Fun Fun!!

[March Four]

This is funnys story:

A young man walked into a restaurant where he saw a gorgeous woman with a glass eye. He walked past her as she was doing her makeup. She sneezed and her glass eye flew out. The young man caught it, startled, and returned it to the woman. She said, "Thank you so much. Why don't you sit with me?" He replied with a gracious yes. They ate a big dinner and talked. After the dinner, she invited the young man back to her apartment. He accepted gratefully, and off they went. They chatted and talked all night long, having a blast. He asked her why she had such interest in him, and if she treated other men like this. She told him, "No. You just happened to catch my eye".

------------------------------------------------------------------------
A woman immigrated to another country, but left her cat behind with her brother. One day she gets a letter from her brother saying: "Your cat died." She immediately called her brother and began yelling that he was too abrupt and heartless with the news about her cat, leaving her in shock. She told him, "You should have been more compassionate and given me the bad news softly, instead of going straight to the point. For example, you should have first sent me one letter saying, Your cat climbed to the roof. In your next letter, you could say, Your cat fell off the roof; and then later Your cat is badly injured. Only after that you could inform me of his death." A few months later the woman gets a letter from her brother saying: "Mom climbed to the roof."

-------------------------------------------------------------------------
First-year students at Medical School were receiving their first anatomy class with a real dead human body. They all gathered around the surgery table with the body covered with a white sheet. The professor started the class by telling them, "In medicine, it is necessary to have two important two important qualities as a doctor. The first is that you will not be disgusted by anything involving the human body".

As an example, the professor pulled back the sheet, stuck his finger in the anal cavity of the corpse, withdrew it and stuck it in his mouth. "Go ahead and do the same thing,” he told his students. The students freaked out, hesitated for several minutes, but eventually took turns sticking a finger in the bottom of the dead body and sucking on it.

When everyone finished, the professor looked at the students and told them, "The second most important quality is observation. I stuck in my middle finger and sucked on my index finger. Now learn to pay attention.”

[Dark Zero]

i want to sleep oaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
hungryyyyyyyyyyyyy :((

[March Four]

A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, he said: "Now, students, if I stood on my head the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I should turn red in the face."
"Yes, sir," the boys said.
"Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position the blood doesn't run into my feet?"
A little fellow shouted, "'It's because yer feet ain't empty."

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

A man who had been caught embezzling millions from his employer went to a lawyer seeking defense. He didn't want to go to jail. But his lawyer told him, "Don’t worry. You'll never have to go to jail with all that money." And the lawyer was right. When the man was sent to prison, he didn't have a dime.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

A family of three tomatoes were walking downtown one day when the little baby tomato started lagging behind. The big father tomato walks back to the baby tomato,
stomps on her, squashing her into a red paste, and says, "Ketchup!"

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

A blind man walks into a store with his seeing eye dog. All of a sudden, he picks up the leash and begins swinging the dog over his head. The manager runs up to the man and asks, "What are you doing?!!" The blind man replies, "Just looking around."

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

After 40 years of being in prison, a man was being escorted out the front gate. About that time a woman was walking down the street with her little son. The man started shouting "I'm Free! I'm Free!"
The little boy looked at the man and said, "So what. I'm four."

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

One day a third grade boy and his friends are bored during recess. One of his friends suggests, "Hey! I know. We can play a game called, Who-has-bigger-muscles.” So, the boy says, "That sounds like fun! How do you play?" His friend says, "It's really easy, all we have to do is pull up our shirt sleeves and and show off our muscles. Who ever has the biggest muscles wins!" After school he excited told his mother, "Hey! Guess what? I played a game at school today called Who-has-bigger-muscles and I won! Is it because I'm so special, mommy?"
"That's terrific, but sorry dear, it's because your 23."

[March Four]

A mother is entertaining some houseguests while her five year old son repeatedly tries to get her attention.
"Look Mama! There’s a little spider on the wall!"
The mother, embarrassed, explains, "It's not a spider, sweetheart, it’s just a nail!" A few minutes later, the boy exclaims, "Look Mama! The nail is moving up to the ceiling!"

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

A terrier, a great dane, and a dashund walk into a bar.They spot a pretty french poodle and all three approacher her. She says, “Whoever makes the best sentence using the words ‘cheese and liver’ may take me out." The terrier says,"I like cheese but not liver and I like you." He wags his tail expectantly but the poodle moves on to the dane. He says,"I like liver and cheese but most of all I like you." The He looks at her but she ignores him. The dashund says,"Liver alone! Cheese with me." The poodle walks off with the dashund.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

A blonde sits down on a bus. The man next to her asks if she’d like to play a game where one person asks a question and the other answers. There was just one catch, you had to pay $10 to the other if you get the answer wrong. The girl agreed. The man asked her, "Who was the eighth King of England?" The blond didn't know, so she handed him $10. Next, she asked him, "What is orange and smelly and has 100 legs?" The man didn't know so he handed her $10 and asked her, "So, what is orange and smelly and has 100 legs?"
The blonde shrugged her shoulders and gave him $10.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

A blonde is walking down the street and searching through her purse for a lipstick. She doesn't notice when her mirror falls to the ground. A man walking behind her picks it up and taps her on the shoulder.
"Excuse me, Miss. This looks familiar, don't you think?" The blonde looks at the mirror and says, "Of course! It's me!"

[March Four]

A little boy goes to his dad and asks, "What is Politics?"

Dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I am the head of the family, so call me the president. Your mother is the administrator of the money, so call her the government. We're here to take care of your needs, so we'll call you the people. The nanny, we'll call consider the working class, and your baby brother, we'll call him the future. Now think about that and see if it makes any sense."

So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what dad has said. Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him. He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper. So the little boy goes to his parents' room and finds his mother sound asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed.

The next morning the little boy says to his father, "Dad, I think I understand the concept of Politics now." The father says, "Good, son. Tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about." The little boy replies, “The president screws the working class while the government is sound asleep. The people are being ignored and the future is in deep doodoo."

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Due to a power cut at the time, only one paramedic responded to the call. The house was very, very dark, so the paramedic asked Kathleen, a 3-year-old girl, to hold a flashlight high over her mommy so he could see while he helped deliver the baby. Very diligently, Kathleen did as she was asked. Heidi pushed and pushed, and after a little while, Baby Connor was born. The paramedic lifted him by his little feet and spanked him on his bottom. Connor began to cry. The paramedic then thanked Kathleen for her help and asked the wide-eyed 3-year old what she thought about what she had just witnessed. Kathleen quickly responded, "He shouldn't have crawled in there in the first place. Smack him again."

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?"
"Yep," the wife replied, "In-laws."

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

A husband and wife are getting ready for bed. The wife is standing in front of a full length mirror taking a hard look at herself. She turns to her husband and says, "You know, Love, I look in the mirror and I see an old woman. My face is all wrinkled, my breasts are barely above my waist, my belly is hanging out a mile. I've got fat legs and my arms are all flabby. Tell me something positive to make me feel better about myself." He thinks about it for a bit and then says in a soft voice, "Well, there's nothing wrong with your eyesight."


--------------------------------------------------------------------------

A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and one night he's doing a show in a small club in a small town in Arkansas. With his dummy on his knee, he's going through his usual dumb blonde jokes when a blonde woman in the fourth row stands on her chair and starts shouting, ''I've heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes. What makes you think you can stereotype women that way? What does the color of a person's hair have to do with her worth as a human being? It's guys like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in the community and from reaching our full potential as a person, because you and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against, not only blondes, but women in general...and all in the name of humor!''
The ventriloquist is embarrassed and begins to apologize, when the blonde yells, ''You stay out of this, mister! I'm talking to that little jerk on your knee!''

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

[March Four]

A blonde girl comes home from a long day at work,
and decides to make herself some dinner.
She was waits for her food to heat up in the microwave,
when the microwave explodes and her house begins to catch fire.
She quickly picks up the phone and dials 911.
When the 911 operator picks up, the girl screams,
"Please do something, my house is on fire!"
The operator say, "Okay, we’re on our way. How do we get there?"
The blond disgustedly says, "Duh. Big red truck!"

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

According to a news report, a certain private school in Washington
recently was faced with a unique problem.

A number of 12-year-old girls were beginning to use lipstick and
would apply it in the bathroom.

That was fine, but after they put on their lipstick they
would press their lips to the mirror leaving dozens of little lip prints.
Every night, the maintenance man would remove them and the next day,
the girls would put them back.

Finally the principal decided that something had to be done.
She called all the girls to the bathroom and met them there with the custodian.

She explained that all these lip prints were causing a major
problem for the custodian who had to clean the mirrors every night.

To demonstrate how difficult it had been to clean the mirrors,
she asked the maintenance man to show the girls how much effort was required.

He took out a long-handled squeegee, dipped it in the toilet,
and cleaned the mirror with it.
Since then, there have been no lip prints on the mirror...

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

One day, a very poor old couple went to a fair.
A man was offering plane rides, so the husband said to his wife,
"Martha, I really want to ride that plane."
Martha replied, "I know you do Elmer, but it costs 10 dollars.
And 10 dollars is 10 dollars."
So they went home. The next year they went back to the fair and
Elmer said again to his wife, "Martha, my days are almost over and
I would really like to ride that plane."
Martha replied, "I know you do Elmer, but it costs 10 dollars.
And 10 dollars is 10 dollars."
So they went home. The next year they went back to the
fair and Elmer pleaded again, "Martha I really want to ride that plane."
The wife replied again, "I am sorry Elmer but it costs 10 dollars.
And 10 dollars is 10 dollars."
The pilot of the plane was standing nearby and overheard their conversation.
He said to the couple, "Hey I'll tell you what.
I will take you for a ride in my plane and fly you around free of charge,
but I’ve got a bad headache so you cannot say one word. Not even one peep or
I will charge you 10 dollars."
The couple took on the offer without hesitation.
The pilot did what he said and did numerous tricks and flips and
neither of the couple spoke. At the end of the ride, the pilot said,
"Well, I did what I said and you did not make one sound."
Elmer replied, " Well, I would have said something when Martha fell
off the plane, but 10 dollars is 10 dollars."

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

A family of blondes went on a road trip to Disneyland.
After eighteen hours in the car, they finally saw a sign that said,
"Disneyworld Left Here."

Disappointed, they went home.

[March Four]

A cowboy rode into town and tethered his horse outside the saloon.
Before going in, he lifted his horse's tail and gave
it a huge kiss on its bottom.

On oldtimer, sitting in his rocking chair outside the saloon,
thought that this behavior was somewhat strange, and called out
"Hey fellah! What are you doing that for?"

The cowboy replied, "I got chapped lips." The oldtimer asked,
"And you think that kissing your horse's bottom will cure chapped lips?"

The cowboy replied "No, but it sure stops me licking them!"

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Two friends were walking down a street when suddenly one of them said:
"WOW! Look out, you nearly stepped in that dog doo doo."
The other friend said, "That's not doo doo, it's chocolate. Look."
He reached down to the poo and got a bit and tasted it.
"There, see, YUMMMMMMMMMMMM! Delicious chocolate."
Then the other friend said "No, stupid. It’s doo doo, look."
He then reached down and tasted it. "YUK! See, it’s doo doo!"
"Chocolate!"
"No, doo doo!"
"Chocolate!"
"Doo doo!"
The two friends carried on like that, until...
"Wait, let me see..."
He reached down and got the last bit and said "Well, I think you were right.
I really think it's doo doo, not chocolate. Good thing we didn't step in it, eh?"

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Three guys meet in a hunter's lodge.
The first guy goes out and shoots a bear.
The second guy asks, "How did you get that bear?"
The first guy replies, "Well, I woke up, grabbed my rifle, followed some tracks and shot it."
So the second guy goes out and shoots a deer.
The third guy asks, "How did you get that deer?"
The second guy replies, "Well, I woke up, grabbed my rifle,
followed some tracks and shot it."
So the third guy goes out and comes back all smashed up.
The other two guys ask him, "What happened to you?
The third guy replies, "Well, I woke up, grabbed my rifle,
followed some tracks and got hit by a train."

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Three men die during the holiday season and go up to heaven.
St. Peter meets them at the gates and says to them,
"In order to get into heaven you must have one thing that relates
in some way to Christmas."
The first guy fumbles through his pockets, pulls out his lighter,
lights it and says, "It's a candle?"
St. Peter tells him he may pass.
The second guy reaches in his pockets, pulls out his keys,
jingles them and says, "They're bells?"
The third guy frantically reaches in his pockets,
feels around and finally pulls out a pair of woman's underwear.
St. Peter looks at them raises an eyebrow and says,
"And how do those represent Christmas?"
The man looks up and says, "They're Carol's?"

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

A brunette is jumping up and down on some
train tracks shouting, "52, 52, 52!"
A blonde comes over and asks if she can join.
The brunette tells her okay, so they are both jumping on
the train tracks saying, "52, 52, 52!"
The brunette sees a train coming and steps off the tracks.
The blonde doesn't move off the tracks and gets run over.
The brunette steps back on the tracks, starts jumping
and shouting, "53, 53, 53, 53, 53, 53!"

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

One day, a boy and his best friend had to go to
the store to pick up some milk.
When they got to the corner shop,
the boy went to go get the milk.
He took the milk to the counter
and gave the man a dollar.
When the boy started to head out of the shop,
the shop keeper said, "See ya, donkey."
The boy’s friend looks confused and said,
"That man just called you a donkey!"
The boy answered, "He-uhh, he-uhh, he always calls me that."

[Cigar]

Huh.copy again???
Please take care of the forum rules,if you don't want to loose your exp and MP
Otherwise,"Bang Phong than" will welcome you.
This is the last time I remind you,so be careful.
Topic lock
PS:Sorry every one,may be long times no see,but I will turn back when my work is complete,tahnks.